Moments. The substance, of our lives.

It was January 1st, 2023. Robyn my new born son was home, and by my side.

Our living room lit by fireside flames dancing with the liveliness of fireflies. Candles glowing by unmoved flame. Our home was filled with safety, comfort and retreat. Robyn sleeping in my arms his sweet tiny hands embracing his beautiful face. His chest rising and falling with life’s grace. A cup of tea steamed beside me and my husband Brandon was homeward bound with our daughter Bobby.

Time and space for me to be. To sink into what felt like a new life.

This is the moment I had so deeply been hoping for, but didn’t let myself dream to vividly about.

Robyn arrived nearly a month prior to this moment. It was 4:45pm when I reached through my legs to bring him to my chest for the first time. His heart now beating so close to mine. To feel his skin, was a blessing only being human can know. Our chests rose and fell together. He was here. One breath at a time opened the portal for his arrival. My senses elated by breath, my heart full of bliss and body overtaken by relief. No physical pain could measure greater than the intensity it took, and no diamond more luminous could emerge from the pressure.

Our time here on earth had begun. A new relationship between mother and son. Like a blanket I held him, uninterrupted as several hours passed. I look back now on the innocence of those precious moments, as presence gave us life’s greatest gift… for we experienced the pure untainted gift of bliss before the potent and unforeseen days ahead.

All I could wonder was how common an occurrence as birth, could be so rarely shared from the narrative of a mother.

It was December 6th, the morning after Robyn was born. His body was working harder than normal to breathe and excrete excess fluid from his lungs. He had such a high tolerance to the imagined discomfort. His body needed some extra support and we didn’t yet know why. We made our journey by plane from our helpful rural hospital into city centre for more equipped resources.

Finding steady stillness in the unknown. Becoming the unmoved flame. Discipline to keep my mind from feeding the fear dangling in-front of me. One breathe at a time. Take it in, believe, and stay present.